The context

I’ve had a goal for the past 18 years of my life: an education. I needed no answer to “what do you do?” – it was assumed, I learned. Full-time student defined everything for me. Where I went to school, who I went to school with, what I majored in – those were definitions of me. For the first time in my life, I feel completely undefined.

It’s difficult to identify who you are when your context is missing, and with no answers to the new questions in my life I have no idea how to be me. I know where I want to be: a fulfilling career, a subsequent balanced, color-coded budget to get us off the education debt train and on to the mortgage express . . . but the transition is uglier than I envisioned.

As a student, graduation was THE goal. After which, of course, I would slip into a job that was education relevant and personally fulfilling. It was to be the final pay-off for my schooling, which I—ironically—still have to pay off. Now, after five months of scrolling up and down the standard and equally useless job-promising search sites, my reward for four years of hard work really only seems to be my keyboard-induced carpal tunnel and an exercise-immune ass, courtesy of Taco Bell.

I am aware of my short-sightedness, but the frustration of negative responses, and really, no responses at all starts to turn me a little sour. I worked hard to get a leg up, but I still feel just as handicapped as the rest of the 14.6 million people looking for work, college degree or not. I may be a pessimist, but I know I’m not the only one frustrated—you know, out of millions of people and all.

I had a conversation with a gentleman at an employment agency the other day, during which we discussed the job market, a frustration he assists hundreds of people with daily. He mentioned that the agency “was optimistic – it’s really the only thing we can be.” And this is what I’m realizing. Frustration is allowed, but pouting gets you nowhere – optimism will get me through the 13 applications I plan on for the day.

The inspiration

The end of college is near for me. Adult status is looming, though I have been living much like an adult for the past three years, being a student lends itself to a more relaxed lifestyle. My mind wears the same casual distressed jeans/baggy white v-neck look that my body does to class everyday. I know that the suit I purchase for interviews will also need to mark a shift in mentality and behavior.

I am not good with transitions. What is good is the mental renaissance that always seems to accompany them. Change conveniently pairs itself with fresh inspiration for me. I know this is good, despite my painful awkwardness with it all.

I decided to channel this inspiration as I embrace a new phase in my life. Organization is very important to me, especially at times when I feel I have little control of the situation. Mental organization is equally important, especially when I feel like I am losing my mind.

So. This will be me, exploring and examining whatever concept I see as relevant to life in general. An experiment in mental organization.

Essentially: a personal opinion project to help me grow into my adult shoes (which I imagine as plain black pumps-this perhaps needs rethought as well.)